Creator of Comixfarm - About Me/Contact Me

ABOUT ME... I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

WHEN I WAS GROWING UP AND SOMEBODY SAID, "OH, ABOUT DAVID..." IT WAS GENERALLY NOT A GREAT THING. IN FACT, THINKING ABOUT IT NOW, IT REMINDS ME OF WHAT MY FATHER USED TO SAY TO ME. HE USED TO SAY, "LEAVE THE ROOM. WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOU."

WELL, AT LEAST I'M HONEST. I SAY THAT BECAUSE WHEN I GO ONTO A WEBSITE AND I SEE A LINK THAT SAYS, "ABOUT ME" OR "ABOUT US", I KNOW THAT THEY'RE NOT REALLY GOING TO TELL ME ANYTHING REALLY SIGNIFICANT ABOUT THEMSELVES. WHY WOULD THEY? IMAGINE GOING TO A SITE AND READING SOMETHING LIKE THE FOLLOWING:

"WELL, WE SELL BALOONS - THAT'S WHAT WE DO. BUT IN OUR SPARE TIME ACTIVITIES AMONG OUR STAFF MEMBERS RANGE FROM WATCHING ENDLESS RERUNS OF GILIGAN'S ISLAND TO DRESSING IN CLOTHES TYPICALLY WORN BY MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER AND STARING AT OURSELVES IN THE MIRROR FOR HOURS ON END THINKING, 'IF ONLY I STILL HAD MY HAIR.'"

OR MAYBE THE HONEST "ABOUT ME" PAGE WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE, "I CAN GENERALLY KEEP A PRETTY STRAIGHT FACE, BUT I SECRETLY BLAME MY PARENTS FOR THE FACT THAT AFTER EVERY HIGH-POWERED BUSINESS MEETING WHERE I INSULT AND INTIMIDATE OTHERS, I GO HOME AND CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP."

OK, SO I THINK THAT I'VE MADE THE POINT THAT ALTHOUGH I HAVE A LINK THAT SAYS, "ABOUT ME", I DON'T ACTUALLY INTEND TO TELL YOU ABOUT MYSELF. BUT MAYBE I COULD RELATE SOME TRIVIAL AND INSIGNIFICANT PIECES OF INFORMATION TO YOU, AND IN THE PROCESS YOU WILL LEARN A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:

ONE OF THE QUESTIONS I GET ASKED MOST FREQUENTLY IS, "HOW DID MR. RUDENESS COME ABOUT?" I USUALLY RESPOND BY MAKING A VAGUE REFERENCE TO MOMMY AND DADDY RUDENESS, FOLLOWED BY AN EXHORTATION TO LEARN THE REST EITHER AT SCHOOL, FROM YOUR PARENTS, OR IN A NIGHT-CLUB OR ON THE STREET. BUT THEN THAT USUALLY BRINGS UP A WHOLE SLEW OF QUESTIONS REGARDING THE MATING HABITS OF CARTOON CHARACHTERS. THIS IS NOT THAT KIND OF SITE - I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE.

I GUESS I HAVE MY BEST FRIEND HOMER TO BLAME FOR IT. NO, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE CARTOON CHARACTER. I'M TALKING ABOUT A REAL GUY WHO'S NAME REALLY IS HOMER. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. AND IF IT IS, IT'S NOT FUNNY. BUT IT ISN'T A JOKE. HIS NAME IS REALLY HOMER. HOMER AND I DEVELOPED A MODE OF JOKING AROUND WITH EACH OTHER THAT INVOLVED SAYING THINGS TO ONE ANOTHER THAT IF YOU SAID THE SAME KINDS OF THINGS TO YOUR TEACHER AT SCHOOL, YOU WOULD GET SENT HOME - AND PROBABLY NOT BE WELCOME TO COME BACK. WE DIDN'T OFFEND EACH OTHER, BECAUSE WE KNEW THAT THERE WAS A CERTAIN AFFECTION BEHIND IT. MANLY AFFECTION, OF COURSE.

SO IN THIS MODE OF JOKING, ONE YEAR I WAS MAKING CHRISTMAS CARDS FOR FAMILY MEMBERS. WHAT CAN I SAY, I COULD JUST BUY CARDS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE BUT BEING THE CREATIVE TYPE AND ALL, I MADE THEM. PLUS I'M CHEAP. SO I THOUGHT UP SOME JOKES THAT I THOUGHT WERE FUNNY AND PUT THEM INTO THESE CARDS. WELL, A COUPLE OF THE JOKES WERE THE KIND OF JOKES THAT I WOULD SAY TO HOMER.

LET ME DIGRESS FOR JUST A MOMENT TO EXPLAIN THE KIND OF BANTER THAT TYPICALLY TOOK PLACE BETWEEN ME AND HOMER:

HOMER: I'M TIRED.
ME: YOU'RE UGLY, TOO.
HOMER: YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S UGLY.
BOTH: HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

NATURALLY I HAD TO CONSIDER THE FACT THAT THE FAMILY MEMBERS THAT I WAS MAKING THESE CARDS FOR MIGHT NOT HAVE THE SAME APPRECIATION FOR THIS TYPE OF HUMOR THAT HOMER AND I HAD. ME SENDING A CARD TO MY MOTHER THAT SAID, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, MOM. YOUR HUSBAND IS UGLY" MIGHT NOT GO OVER SO WELL WITH HER, OR WITH MY DAD. SO THAT'S WHEN I INVENTED MR. RUDENESS. HE WAS A CHARACTER THAT I COULD BLAME IT ON. SO INSTEAD OF SAYING, "HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS. I HOPE YOU GET STRANGLED BY A STRING OF BULBS" I COULD INSTEAD SAY, "MR. RUDENESS SAYS, 'HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS. I HOPE YOU GET STRANGLED BY A STRING OF BULBS'". WELL, IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME.

SINCE THIS SITE WILL PROBABLY MOSTLY DRAW A YOUNGER CROWD (AND MAYBE A FEW NERDS LIKE MYSELF... I HOPE. I DO NOT WANT TO BE ALONE IN THIS) I HAVE TO ADDRESS THE QUESTION: DOES MR. RUDENESS ENCOURAGE IMPRESSIONABLE YOUNG MINDS TO BE RUDE? WELL, I HOPE THAT NO ONE TAKES IT THAT SERIOUSLY. AND I ALSO HOPE THAT PEOPLE WILL VIEW MR. RUDENESS AS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW NOT TO BE. BUT WHAT I REALLY HOPE IS THAT WHAT PEOPLE WILL LOOK AT THE MOST IS THE FACT THAT THIS SITE ENCOURAGES CREATIVITY BY INVITING IT'S VISITORS TO SUBMIT THEIR OWN CARTOONS AND SHORT STORIES. AND ONE DAY WHEN I ACTUALLY START TO HAVE SOME KIND OF A BUDGET, I INTEND TO IMPLEMENT CONTESTS, WHERE THE WORK CAN BE VOTED ON BY OTHER SITE VISITORS, AND THE WINNERS WILL RECEIVE SOMETHING REALLY AMAZING LIKE A COFFEE MUG OR A T-SHIRT OR HAT WITH THE COMIXFARM LOGO ON IT. WON'T THAT BE SPECIAL?

SERIOUSLY, I DO WANT TO IMPLEMENT THE CONTESTS IN THE HOPEFULLY NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE. MAYBE ONCE A MONTH I'LL HAVE WINNERS FROM VARIOUS AGE GROUPS, AND THEN MAYBE ONCE A YEAR I'LL HAVE A GRAND PRIZE WINNER. AND IF I GET REALLY RICH DOING THIS (BY MAYBE, I DUNNO, SELLING SOME OF THOSE MUGS AND HATS AND T-SHIRTS) I'LL BE ABLE TO GIVE THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER SOMETHING REALLY COOL. LIKE THE ENTIRE FIRST SEASON OF GILIGAN'S ISLAND ON DVD. OR MAYBE, IF I GET REALLY, REALLY, REALLY RICH, THE ENTIRE SERIES ON DVD. BUT IN ORDER FOR THAT TO HAPPEN, YOU GOTTA TELL ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THIS SITE. AND SINCE MY AUDIENCE IS PROBABLY MOSTLY A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO GILIGAN IS (OR WAS), MAYBE THE GRAND PRIZE COULD BE SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE UP TO DATE. LIKE A TUNA SANDWHICH WHERE THE TUNA IS FRESH OUT OF THE CAN. OR A TRIP FOR TWO TO A FAMOUS THEME PARK. OOOOHHHH... NOW I GOT YOUR ATTENTION.

OK, ENOUGH ABOUT ME.

-DAVID B. SMITH